The Broadway

A hot steaming cup of coffee...

Great place to raise kids!!!

Help me write my comedy act.

My wife will say;

"Can't you ever be serious?!" "NO....I'm a comedian!!!!"

“Are you going to just sit there and change the channels because if you are I’m going to get up and leave. What are you watching?"

“Everything”

My wife is crazy...she is...she married me. When we fight I go right to
my ace.

"Do you want a divorce?"

"Why can't we just talk?"

My wife always asks me;

“What did you do today darling, darling?”

"I watched TV, took a nap, thought about stuff for my comedy act…I worked on my persona.

My wife thinks she lives in a hotel.

"Did you make a salad?”

Every night I make dinner and sometimes I won’t make a salad.
Just as we sit down she’ll ask if a salad has been made.

“Did you make a salad? What happened to the bag lettuce?”

She loves bag lettuce.

She doesn’t cook or clean. I don’t’ know how she lived before she met me.

Sometimes I’ll wait to see how long the toilet paper will stay off the roll. I’ll put up a new roll of paper right next to the seat so she can put it on the roll while she’s sitting there doing her business. But she doesn’t get the hint. I don’t think she knows how it works. I’m stunned but I never say anything. The soap is the same game. She’ll wait till it gets down to just a sliver.

My wife doesn’t communicate with the cats like me.

When you get married you can’t bring beer to bed anymore.

“You’re bringing beer to bed? You’re drinking?”

You ever hear this one….

”Why are you going this way?....Isn’t the other way faster? I think it is."

Every guy hears the same stuff! I go in cars with other couples and I try to learn from these other men on how they react when told their going the wrong way. They're more calm than me. They're pussies! They give a yes dear answer or something like that.

I never take a limo to the airport….I take an ambulate.

When I travel now I ship my bags ahead of time, I board the aircraft with just my passport & bible.

When I fly cross country they’ll ask me to lower my shade so the other passengers can watch the movie or the advertisements they have for their airline.

“Can you lower your shade sir? The other passengers can't see the screen.”

“NO! I am looking out at America! I want to see the land.! My land...my crazy land...with horses and cows and creatures of all sizes.”

Sometimes you can tell how old canned foods are by looking at the label. I have a can of peaches with Harry Truman on it.

My doctor will ask me how my stream is :

"How’s your stream?"

I never thought I would have that conversation. My stream was once strong and powerful. Now I’m lucky if I can get some dust out of it.

Lady Diana....

Here I am with Lady Di at the Princess of Wales Theatre in Toronto. It was me and her and thank god my DNA didn't show up in Harry. That's all I'll say about that.

Liz Smith

A TOM & KATIE STORM

This came with Internet stuff from a normal woman in literary circles; no sleazy source she. It was about Tom and Katie. And please, if you need last names, why are you reading here?
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I don't know who she's talking about. KM
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Anyway, the rumor is fabulously unprintable, libelous and fascinating. Even if I could print it without being sued, I can't confirm that it's true. Most likely a lot of wishful thinking went into this slander. But make no mistake — whether it's good or bad for Tom, or good or bad for his new Steven Spielberg movie "War of the Worlds" —

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What could it be? I want to know! Could the rumor be Tom Cruise is on Paxel or Zoloft which by the way wouldn't help him. This guy needs lithium! I'm not a doctor but it's clear he's sick in the head.

Here is my wife getting some much needed makeup